The explicit results seen here show Dave being strapped, beaten, water boarded, dunked in mud, and verbally assaulted.

In support of its manifest torture, Telstra said "that everyone did it at some time," citing recent corroborating evidence from Lonergan Research .

• 58% of people have damaged or completely broken a 'Dave'
• 79% of offenders do so by dropping it, with 23% dropping it into water
• 9% of damaged 'Daves' were done so by having it fall in the toilet
• Other responses included having 'Dave' stepped on by a camel on holiday and getting raw egg in the charger socket while more popular responses included 'Daves' being driven over, left on the roof of cars, stepped on, sat on, and chewed by family pets

According to Telstra’s Andy Volard, with the decidedly deviant title of ‘Director of Devices’ “Dave deserved it - one tough mudder that we could not crack.”

Dave was taken into custody by a more caring person upon payment of $360 although Telstra said that he could have been had for nothing upfront and $60 per month 'Dave support'.

And in all seriousness

Dave is a 4”, IP67 rated, 1.2GHz dual core powered, Gorilla Glass protected, Android weighing in at 160g and can talk continuously for 8 hours or lie around the house for 375 hours. He is looking for tough love tradies to "bring it on."